constellationprize | [imeeji] INBOX

D☆☆dl☆m☆n: you and ruler wont be there tho

[ for a good long while, there's no response. ]

☆radia: But you'll see Luci again soon, won't you?
☆radia: Because it's impossible that you would choose to stay here in Hell, isn't it?

D☆☆dl☆m☆n: yeah im not staying
D☆☆dl☆m☆n: but
D☆☆dl☆m☆n: it still sucks

[ again, she goes a while without saying anything.

after a bit more the typing indicator goes off. disappears, goes off again, back and forth for a while,

and then another while with no response

and then another while with the typing indicator going

another bit of silence . . .

It's fine, is her first thought. She can't imagine that he'd ever side with Hell and stay here as Production; less that Heaven is more appealing and more that its gains are more to his needs. A hunch she's sure is right on the money. Lucifel she's more uncertain on, to say nothing of herself, but her first thought, on her gut hope, is that the two of them at least would reunite very soon, relatively speaking, and so it would be fine.

(she refrains from pushing it so far as to consider herself. at first sight of the thought she presses it down, crushes it away before it grows too unwieldy, which to her of course is just "extant at all" but still.)

But it still sucks. On the other end of the line her jaw is set, hands tense, eyes burning and throat tight; if he looks for her in the dorm she even seems to have gone out at some point, not in the kitchen nor the common room or even the gardens. It still sucks, for Lucifel and for her - but for him most of all, she's sure, and she's grateful for the wall the phone sets between them, the distance she was able to secure as thanks. It's space she can use to curate her words, in doing so temper her heart.

Because she has to comfort him above all else. Because it sucks for him most of all. There's no way they could ever do this face to face.

And so it takes her a while, thinking and writing and rewriting sentences, to actually reply. ]

☆radia: If you end up missing us or feeling lonely at home, then you'll be able to visit, right?
☆radia: You'll be able to write to us too, won't you?
☆radia: And we would both write to you too.

D☆☆dl☆m☆n: yeah
D☆☆dl☆m☆n: thats true
D☆☆dl☆m☆n: ill write you a lot

☆radia: I'll write to you, too.

[ another big-ish gap ]

☆radia: Would it be alright for me to ask you something?

D☆☆dl☆m☆n: yeah of course

☆radia: I'll come back to the dormitory in a few minutes.
☆radia: There is a request that I have, but more importantly than that, there is something that I would like to know.
☆radia: Is there anything that I can do for you?

D☆☆dl☆m☆n: wouldnt say no to some snacks

☆radia: Then I'll bring some.

[ and true to her word, about half an hour later she's coming back with some bags; if he's in his room he'll hear a knock on the door.

she looks about as haggard as one would expect - eyes and nose puffy and inflamed, hair disheveled, but there's none of that upset lingering in her expression by this point; at a glance her smile's as gentle as ever.

whatever the case she's got the usual selection of snacks and wine and water. she is prepared ]

[he is in fact in his room, flopped on the bed - which is where he's returning after opening the door]

Hey.

Mm. Hi...

[ setting the bag down at the foot of the bed before joining him, sitting and pulling her knees to her chest ]

I went and got all of the usual snacks, but was that the only thing that you wanted?

Couldn't really think of anything else.

Well, it's nice to just be together like this, isn't it? But - if we have all of these, then it's probably better if it's said before we start to drink...

[ a pause, a little bit thoughtful ]

If it's okay - ... it doesn't need to be today, or even tomorrow, but -

Before you end up leaving, do you think that you could give me a scar?

Huh?

While I was gone - um, of course I felt really upset, so it felt like I really needed to leave, but I ending up using Mind Crush so I'm feeling better now - even considering that, there would definitely have been a lot of time that I would have needed to use to think, right? Because I'm not very smart, and I have amnesia, and of course - I'm sure that I'll be lonely without you, too, so even like this there were a lot of things for me to consider - . . .

. . . I'm sure that it'll probably be ... that it must be something like loneliness that I was feeling then, and that I'll end up feeling more in the future. I can record the sound of your voice, and seal your clothing up so that it would take a really long time for your scent to be lost, and things like your hair clippings can be mounted and set aside too, but even so - ...

[ there's a pause that is unfortunately by all indications not being used to reflect on the fact that the entire last half of that statement was sort of a lot, because of course it isn't. ]

. . . Even so, there are other things too, aren't there? So, while I was there at the beach, I thought about it for a while - it isn't possible for us to leave together, and it would be uncomfortable for you if we tried to exchange rings or be married or anything like that, wouldn't it? But, if there was something like that instead, I think -

A scar is something that's easier for you to do, isn't it? Even if it's me, something like that would be simple, right? And for me - if it was in a space where my eyes were able to reach, I would always be able to see it, and if it would ever ache like some of the others do, I'd be able to think of you too, wouldn't I? In comparison to what happened before I ended up here ... when I was killed at that moment, I wasn't able to feel anything at all, so when I tried wondering about a solution that would be something nice for both of us, I ended up with something a little bit like that.

[ and that little anecdote slipped in there is more of the same, nothing that she seems to have any intention of actually clarifying, going on after a breath to say, ]

Even when you aren't here anymore, with something like that, wouldn't I always be able to remember you - no matter how much time ends up passing, its shape and that feeling would remain with me forever, wouldn't they?

Um, but - if it isn't something that you want to do, then that's fine too, isn't it? I don't really mind...!

[wow

that was a lot

hold on while he just turns all of those things in his head and munches on some chips]

[ isn't he glad to be dating the cutest girl in the world (tm) ]

...Where do you want it?

Well - ...

Where do you want it to go? I think - ...

[ hmm ]

As long as it's one that I would be able to see in the mirror, and in a place that would be hidden by most of my clothing - anywhere that you'd like for it to go is fine, right?

...Ruler's got one on his arm.

Oh, that - . . .

[ he can all but physically hear her trying to think on if she's seen it or not ]

Then, do you want to put one on my arm?

It'd be cute, right? You'd match.

[ matching scars with husb (b)... as acquired by husb (c) . . . ]

That's true - wouldn't that be nice?

Should we do it right now?

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