constellationprize | [imeeji] INBOX

[ setting the rice down. sitting down, himself

. . .

. . .

. . . ]

Well, now . . .

[ sets the cups out and gets tea steeping for both of them, quiet, gaze averted

. . .

. . .

. . . ]

I'm so -

[ . . .

. . .

. . . Soft, ]

I don't really . . . I don't know what to do . . .

[ . . . ]

Well. . .

[ softly ]

Did you . . . with him, too?

[ s. Stiffens ]

I - he ...

[ and exhales, with a tremble. The position that she was in might have been painful, and she might have asked him to stop, but in the first place - in the first place, she asked him, and she was the one that felt as good as she did. Even if that wasn't the case,

Even if that wasn't the case, that's not enmity that he'd deserve. Even if she can't explain the quaver in her voice or her trembling fingertips or the tightness in her throat at the thought of everything that happened, she knows she consented. Everything that was done to her was something she asked him for, something she had ample opportunity to avoid and chose not to, so -

Still, her voice comes out almost too quiet to hear. ]

. . . I did.

. . . Did you ask him, to?

[ quieter, his hands on his lap ]

I - . . . I wanted to understand him, so I asked him what love meant to him... I asked him to show me, and he kissed me then...

[ idly, stirring the rice to keep it from sticking to the sides of the pot ]

I see.

In that case, did you want to, with him?

I -

[ don't know how to answer that question. She has to think about it for a moment. What does wanting to have sex mean, placed separately from consenting to sex? When she thinks about him, and about lucifel, ]

... It wasn't... he didn't do anything to hurt me, but compared to you, it wasn't ... it was different, from doing it with you . . .

Of course it would be different.

[ with a frown ]

He . . . We're not interchangeable.

Mm. It isn't . . .

[ an inhale, ]

Luci, you . . . even if we had sex every day for the next ten thousand years, you know ... even if something like that happened, on the first day of the year after that, I'd want you to embrace me again, so you don't need to worry about things like that, okay...?

[ - catching himself, just then ]

.................. That, it isn't as though . . .

[ how should he phrase it - ]

. . . Even if we do, it isn't about whether you want to, or not - it's -

The one you're married to is me, not him, so he has no business trying to teach you whatever lesson or whatnot. He isn't allowed to do what he wants to my own wife - you know - ?

[ pictured: someone who doesn't understand enough about this specific subsection of feelings to fully grasp what's happening here ]

[ but her heart still swells with warmth at it despite not entirely understanding, at hearing him call her his wife, enough so to melt away the most immediate lingering nerves

and she gets, at least - that she's married to him, and not cael, so, ]

Well... today, too - I don't belong to anyone here except for you, right...?

[ e,

embarrassed, ]

. . . Right. You -

[ softer ]

Dia-san is mine, so . . .

[ h

he's so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute so cute s ]

. . . Can you come over here...?

[ pausing - stiff, perhaps out of embarrassment, perhaps because of the earlier revelation, but the stiffness passes and he's scooting over to her ]

[ there's some stiffness to her as well, some anxiety still even through her brain melting and dribbling out her ear as is its wont, but her mood is so much lighter already compared to much of the rest of the night she thinks and she's determined, it'd seem, to move on, to stop hurting him -

the mistake last time she's sure was trying to kiss his mouth so immediately, so she aims lower here, leaning in to press her lips to his throat, a hand reaching to take his in hers ]

[ -

flustered, his breath quickening ]

D-Dia-san - ?

[ murmured against him too softly to really glean her mood from her voice, but he can feel some stiffness still in her hand ]

. . . Is this okay...?

. . . It's fine . . .

[ with an almost hoarse quality to his voice ]

. . . But - uhm -

Probably . . . We should eat, right?

[ kisses a little lower, brief but tender ]

Do you want to do it right now...? If you want to, then we can warm the rice up later - I don't mind . . .

[ ^ someone who has forgotten the tea has been steeping and has probably long since gotten bitter ]

Edited 2020-01-12 23:45 (UTC)

. . . Mmm.

[ closing his eyes briefly, face already flushed red ]

I think . . .

Mmm. If Dia-san wants to . . . I do, want to . . .

[ frowns against him just a bit, fingers curling in slightly over his own, nerves ebbing back in just a bit the longer she sits, the more time she has to actually think about it ]

. . . Mm. Well -

[ she wants to, her own desire and affection haven't faded at all, even sharpened by her determination to be better finally, to keep him from worrying, by the day and his scent and his softness, but. after the things that she thought about him, after everything that happened,

she can't seem to keep her head entirely straight. is any of this really okay?

she inhales deep, shuddering against him - and then pulls away, sitting up. they - ]

. . . You're right too, aren't you...?

Even if you can't get hungry, I'm sure you're really excited to have the chestnuts. ... Let's eat first, okay?

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