constellationprize | [imeeji] INBOX

And he really didn't do anything weird...?

I'm fine, aren't I?

I dunno. Are you?

[ just quietly pulls him closer again, into a hug ]

[

clings]

[ murmuring something into his shoulder, a little too soft to hear ]

Mm? What was that?

I love you.

[oh.

it's nothing new - she's said it before, she loves everyone, it's nothing surprising - but somehow that acknowledgment of emotion is more than he can handle right now.

he feels like he's going to cry if he doesn't do something, and that's not acceptable because he does not cry, he does not have feelings like that, he's not weak in that way-

so he does the first thing he can think of and kisses her]

[ ah

in her surprise, she doesn't offer much in the way of reaction - she doesn't make to shove him away, nor does she move to return it, she spends a good time just entirely stiff in the act of processing it, but

what would the alternative be? to reject him? to hurt him? she -

she can't do that. she can't keep doing that, so a moment later she begins to reciprocate, gently, still embracing him ]

[thinking he's upset her, he's almost about to pull away and... something. apologise? just run away?

but then she kisses him back and he practically melts against her with relief - and continues the kiss with a feeling of desperation]

[ lifting a hand to stroke soothingly at his hair, maintaining a relatively chaste, light pressure on her end; still, it's loose, her lips parted slightly, an open invitation to deepen the kiss if he decides that he wants to ]

[he accepts the invitation without really thinking - it just seems like the thing to do with the topic they've been discussing, with her warmth and his loneliness]

[ she deepens the kiss in kind, going still momentarily at the taste - she remembers it now that she's experiencing it again, and her disgust isn't so great that she could bring herself to pull away or stop, not in the face of the possibility that she'd reject him in doing so,

but still, eventually she does need to breathe - she separates them for that alone, letting her lips rest at the corner of his mouth, the edge of his jaw, a dark flush having crept into her face ]

[brushes his mouth along her cheek, to the spot where her jaw meets her neck

his breathing's a little fast, his cheeks dark, but otherwise he seems to have calmed down]

. . . It's okay.

[ is all she really manages to say as she cradles his head, works her fingers in against his scalp; it's so soft it's practically exhaled, just barely above a whisper ]

...Sorry.

[even though she did kiss him back, it was probably a bad thing to do, right? he shouldn't be kissing her or anyone else, not really.]

You don't have to apologize.

[ a pause ]

. . . You didn't do anything wrong. And it was - ...

[ and another ]

. . . Was it scary...?

...What, kissing you?

[ a light shake of her head ]

What happened, while you were with him...?

...

No. It just... gave me a lot of feelings I didn't like.

Do you want to talk about it...?

Do you?

[ , ]

. . . What do you mean?

I mean, do you want to talk about what happened when you were with him? The stuff you talked about or whatever?

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