constellationprize | [imeeji] INBOX

[ freezes in place ]

. . . You. . . ?

[ faintly, a little breathless ]

[ She just stares out in front of her, eyes downcast. Oddly breathless herself, ]

... He -

I heard... that if we'd stayed together - my hands and feet were tied up, but I could still crawl, so I was told - that I would have tried to wake you up if we stayed together, so he moved you somewhere else. I -

Before that he told me he'd kill you, so I was just glad you were safe, but I...

Edited 2020-01-09 04:47 (UTC)

. . .

It doesn't matter what happened. All I remember are dreams.

. . . What...

[ and softer still, raw as if on the verge of tears ]

... What did you dream about?

I -

[ turning away now, ears red - and he marches directly into the kitchen ]

. . . L-let's talk about this later.

Ah...

[ shuffling after him at a brisk pace, still slower - right, everything will burn if they aren't careful, first of all ]

I'll be right there . . .

[ hasty himself, nearly pulling the rice out without using mitts before he remembers to protect his hands ]

- Luci...!

[ trying to close the distance between them, stopping just short as he pulls back to get the mitts again ]

... Your hands...

[ freezing in place - ]

- I'm alright, I remembered. The tea, Dia-sa—n?

...

[ eying him evenly, anxious, mouth and brow pressed thin and tight, eyes moist with concern, some trepidation ]

. . . Mm. I'll take the water off of the burner, so you can pick a blend that you want to drink today, okay...?

Eh? - Ah, the usual is fine, for today.

[ picking up the rice pot and turning to go to the room ]

[ with an affirmative noise she picks out his favorite and follows him back, cups stacked in one hand, tin beneath her arm, but she keeps her distance, moving slow ]

[ setting the rice down. sitting down, himself

. . .

. . .

. . . ]

Well, now . . .

[ sets the cups out and gets tea steeping for both of them, quiet, gaze averted

. . .

. . .

. . . ]

I'm so -

[ . . .

. . .

. . . Soft, ]

I don't really . . . I don't know what to do . . .

[ . . . ]

Well. . .

[ softly ]

Did you . . . with him, too?

[ s. Stiffens ]

I - he ...

[ and exhales, with a tremble. The position that she was in might have been painful, and she might have asked him to stop, but in the first place - in the first place, she asked him, and she was the one that felt as good as she did. Even if that wasn't the case,

Even if that wasn't the case, that's not enmity that he'd deserve. Even if she can't explain the quaver in her voice or her trembling fingertips or the tightness in her throat at the thought of everything that happened, she knows she consented. Everything that was done to her was something she asked him for, something she had ample opportunity to avoid and chose not to, so -

Still, her voice comes out almost too quiet to hear. ]

. . . I did.

. . . Did you ask him, to?

[ quieter, his hands on his lap ]

I - . . . I wanted to understand him, so I asked him what love meant to him... I asked him to show me, and he kissed me then...

[ idly, stirring the rice to keep it from sticking to the sides of the pot ]

I see.

In that case, did you want to, with him?

I -

[ don't know how to answer that question. She has to think about it for a moment. What does wanting to have sex mean, placed separately from consenting to sex? When she thinks about him, and about lucifel, ]

... It wasn't... he didn't do anything to hurt me, but compared to you, it wasn't ... it was different, from doing it with you . . .

Of course it would be different.

[ with a frown ]

He . . . We're not interchangeable.

Mm. It isn't . . .

[ an inhale, ]

Luci, you . . . even if we had sex every day for the next ten thousand years, you know ... even if something like that happened, on the first day of the year after that, I'd want you to embrace me again, so you don't need to worry about things like that, okay...?

[ - catching himself, just then ]

.................. That, it isn't as though . . .

[ how should he phrase it - ]

. . . Even if we do, it isn't about whether you want to, or not - it's -

The one you're married to is me, not him, so he has no business trying to teach you whatever lesson or whatnot. He isn't allowed to do what he wants to my own wife - you know - ?

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